What You See on Social Media Is Not Real...
... at least not all of it.
This past week didn’t start with a bang but thankfully ended on a super high note. My self-love was put to the test when I had to make the tough decision to completely cut someone out of my life. Needless to say, when I woke up the next day on Monday morning, I felt like a truck ran me over and backed up running me over yet again, you know just to make sure it didn’t miss a spot. It took the jaws of life to get my ass to work. But I did it. How? I have no idea. I am pretty sure I blocked out that morning out of my permanent memory. It was one of those days where if anyone asked me, “How are you?” I might burst into tears. I wore shades all day.
So after work I nixed my plans to go to the gym and instead went out to dinner with my friend. Good food, venting and pasta can do wonders for the soul. Now, I’m not saying eat your feelings but I am saying eating pasta increases serotonin and endorphin levels, scientifically increasing good vibes. I digress.
The next day I received an email from Xorje Olivares, an award-winning journalist and self-labeled resident gay at Sirius XM, who also hosts their Friday evening show Progress Presents. He reached out to invite me to be a commentator to talk about Latino issues and it immediately perked up my day. It somehow got to Friday and all I could think about was what in the world was going to come out of my mouth at Sirius. I was a little nervous. But when Xorje introduced me and read my bio (audio file coming soon!), I was almost a little floored at all I had accomplished in the last 5 years. It was flattering, humbling, and an amazing way to end the week. Thank. The. Lord.
All this to say that, when you look at my gallery in Instagram, you don’t see the hard (insanely shitty) days. You only see the highlight reel. I hope this little blog makes you feel less alone if you’ve ever felt like everyone on Insta is living it up. So when I saw Lady Hustle Mag posted a video from actress Tracee Ellis Ross on what to do when you feel like giving up, it hit home. She said:
“I have a tendency to compare my insides to other people’s outsides. I don’t know if you do that too. But I think I’m the only one that’s feeling the way I’m feeling.”
Yes, Tracie, that’s exactly how I feel. Please go on.
“Find people that you feel can hold space for you. That they can love you, when you don’t love yourself. When they can see you, when you can’t see yourself. When they can see the best in you, when you see the worst in you.”
Shout out to my friends and family who give me awesome advice and hear me when I don’t know what to do with myself. One friend even told me to post a note on my bathroom mirror of something that I’m proud of or a reminder that things will pass. It’s up there now and I’m thankful to her for suggesting it. Then, Tracie (yes, I’m on a first name basis with her) goes on to say:
“I don’t always have to know what the big answers are for my life. But I can get up and make my bed, I can get up and brush my teeth. I can get to my appointment on time. I can put gas in my car. I am not big on pushing through but I am really big on walking through anyway. On showing up. Not pretending I’m not afraid. Not pretending I’m not sad. But not letting that be the thing I lead with.”
That last part really resonated with me because I know what I am capable of in one hour of productivity so when I don’t feel like doing a damn thing, I start to beat myself up. You know what I mean, the self-talk that sounds a bit like, “Ugh, I’m just wasting time” or “I could be doing so much but I’m just laying in bed.” Sometimes you need to take a break to come back stronger and other times you just need to get up and show up.
You are allowed to have an off week. You must always be kind to yourself, especially when you are going through a tough time.
Here's the Tracee Ellis Ross video for your viewing pleasure: